"No story lives on unless someone wants to listen. The stories we love best do live in us forever. So whether you come back by page or by the big screen. Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home." -- J.K. Rowling
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Review: THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN pt 1 Film!!!
Let me start by saying, that giving this film a two, for me anyways, is being gracious and unfair, because the film as a whole, as one cohesive product was honestly, quite terrible. It was by far the worst of the series, the best having been Eclipse, but that being said, the film also had some of the best moments of the enitre film series.
For all of the movies up until this point, the opening sequences have been one of my favorite parts because they have always been beautiful, but the opening for Breaking Dawn pt 1 with Bella's voice over was cheesey and rather, lame. It held none of the mystique that Twilight's opening had. None of the eerie beauty that New Moon's opening had and none of the mesmerizing allure that Eclipse had. It was boring and then it was over.
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!! Gave you fair warning!!! This review has some spoilers.
Flash over to Bella wearing an oddly fitted leather jacket while wearing heels, practicing for her wedding walk down the isle. Alice is all awkward and is nothing like the quirky, whimsy Alice she was in the original Twilight film, which sucks. But lets move on, shall we?
Here are some highlights (aka, the only highlghts):
*Taylor Lautner CAN act! I believed him 95% of the time and I was very pleased. He was very great as Jacob.
*Kstew, who I have always liked, was this time, very good as Bella. I believed her and she finally acted!! Kstew can act, but the Twilight films never, truly allowed her to show it.
*The wedding was nice for the most part and the toasts given by everyone, especially Jessica, were hilarious! They were really awesome.
*Bella trying to convinve Edward to have sex with her was hilarious! She wears see throw outfits and raises her butt in the air and swings her hips. It was truly awesome.
*Seth was great and the way he acted about Bella and everything was great!
*The fact that a fight scene was added and Esme and Alice BOTH nearly died, was heck'a awesome!!! I was actually wondering/hoping they would go there, that they would kill them. But they didn't . . . .
*The sex scene was awesome!! Not because it was good, but because it was SOOOOOO strange! The thrusting and moaning and then Bella crying about NOT having sex anymore and how badly she wanted to, made me and all my friends laugh like crazy! It was truly fun and funny, but for all the wrong reasons......
*Bella breaks. Her spine, then her knees and its like something from the Exorcism. Its knarly.
*Bella's birth scene, was by far the best part of the film, possibly series and things that happened after. And I mean this truly - it was great. It was not too bloody, though I would have wanted more grit, but whatevs. It was scary and beautiful and just great. WARNING WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! Bella dies. Seriously, she dies. You have read the books, you know she is gone for like a minute before she returns, but in the movie, she is gone for hours. Its actually kind of sad, no, it is sad. Jacob cries and it is moving and emotional and Edward is distraught. Bella lays on the table, a corpse and disgusting looking and the camera just looks at her, as if waiting for her to come back alive, but she doesn't. The scene was amazing. Then slowing, she starts to change. She vamps out. Goes pale-er. Her hair brightens. Body heals. Close up to her face, as she looks BEAUTIFUL & STUNNING and her eyes open. They are red. THE END!
.. . . . .... . . . . . .credits role, enter Volturi. They are sent a letter from Carlisle which says, Bella is now a vampire. The Volturi are on their way.
*Jacob imprinting was horrible. WILL NEVER understand it. Its pedophilia. Steph Meyer is a Mormon, who spends millions of dollars to stop gay rights (look it up), but apparently approves of pedophilia....? Holy Crow!! --- as she would say.
*the score was bad. Way tooo loud and drowned out 'emotional' scenes. sucked.
*the opening sequence, as said before, was bad. sucked.
*the wigs in this film, excluding Alice's, was terrible. very. even Reneeseme's, who they show as teenager. Frankly, she looked like Victoria of New Moon's baby, not Bellas.
*the special effects sucked royaly. the wolves looked wack. they even talk to each other as wolves and I SWEAR, it looks like an animation, like friggin BALTO. ugh.
*the honeymoon was beautiful, but stupid . . . hard to explain.....
*No Blonde jokes. yep. the funny jokes Jake makes towards Rosalie, were not present at all.
*THE MOVIE. the movie was bad. it may have had great moments, but a film, a good film, should not have, 'okay moments', but she be great as a whole. it should be smooth and fluid, from start to finish and scenes should only be funny if they are meant to be funny. the movie sucked. will only watch it ever again, if it came on TV, but I am not buying it like i did the previous 3. Nope.
Should you see? Yes, if you are fan of the series, and by fan I mean a Twihard, which in that case means you already have.
Should you see? Yes, if you dont mind spending 8 bucks on a film that is not worth it, but has some nice scenes and plays like a comedy for the rest of the time when its suppose to be a romance/drama.
Should you see? HECK, HELL, HADES NO!!!!!! If you have any real taste in films and need to spend your money on something more important, like, I dont know, gum or fishsticks, then no, do not go see it. If want to see something worth your time, then do not see Breaking Dawn Pt 1, 'cus you will regret it.
Pick your option: 1, 2, or 3. I was 2. The film sucked so badly, that it was actually good, so eh, take what you will....
Peace and Gravy,